Looking Back

Yesterday I received Brigg's birthday invites in the mail. He is having a small party this year with his "buddies". He is asking every day if his birthday is "tommorow, the other tomorrow or the 3rd tomorrow or the 4th tomorrow". It's so cute. Anyway, I got the invites and could not believe that my baby is going to be FIVE. Time has just flown by! I was looking back through pictures and came across these 3 on my computer. So here we are 3 or 4 YEARS later and I remember these photos like they were yesterday. Monte Swan said in Romancing your Child's Heart, "The challenge is to seize every moment, every day." Working on that today and always. Our time here is but a breath and I want to feel every single moment of it as deeply as possible. Remembering that this morning as I prepare for the day....

Breaking my HEART!

Brigg: Mom, why do we have to go to Shawna's EVERY day?
Cassie: Because I have to go to work.
Brigg: I know! But why EVERY day?
Cassie: I don't work on Saturday and Sunday.
Brigg: I know, but I miss you.
My guilt increases....

A Little Girl...

Started a new book this week....ok, I started 3. Anyway, came across this in Little House on the Freeway by Tim Kimmel:
"A little girl doesn't take up much space physically, but her personality can stretch to every corner of a house."
(Not only her personality, but also her melting chocolate ice cream cone! I love her so so much....) 

Is it just US?

We always have these big plans for a fun night out to eat. Where do we end up spending most of our time?? In the BATHROOM! What is it with our children and public restrooms. 5 minutes after we arrive at the restaurant, Lani needs to go pee. Of course, Brigg is just moments behind. So there goes our first 10 minutes. We order and suddenly Brigg has to poop "really really bad". Ope...you guessed it....Lani does, too. This time Brigg really did and they were in there for about 10 minutes. Lani did NOT, but she sured tried! So our food arrives and we eat as fast as we can so we can get out of there before one of them has to go again. probably 15 minutes total at the table together. Is it just us?

The Shower!

Brigg posing with mommy-to-be...
Our shower activities included decorating onesies....all the kids made one, too. Brigg's said "Baby" on the front and "Love, Brigg" on the back. He was very very proud of it!
Jennie took time out to let her mommy insticts kick in and read the girls the longest children's book I have every heard in my life. I was bored after 2 pages and 3 photos...
At the shower: 2 Livis, 2 Lanis, a set of twins and Brigg and Bode. Bode was gone before we took this photo.
It was a very nice shower. Jennie got a ton of neccesseties and some other really fun things. We all got to decorate onesies and they were so cute! So the wait begins. We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Baby Peakin! I don't think Jennie's phone will ring from here on out without her jumping out of her skin! This is SO exciting for all of us... 

Innocent Wonder

He's with me and we love eachother-that matters. A little dirt and water don't. He's just a little boy [or girl!] loving God's creation in a way that makes God smile-in a state of innocent wonder. Who am I to rob them both of this pleasure?
-Monte Swan (Romaning Your Child's Heart)
Just really like this photo for some reason. A little dirt, grass, freedom and a pile of sticks=hours of entertainment!!

A rare moment

Don't let the photo fool you.....this was the beginning of a wrestling match! :) just kidding. 

Lani and Harley Earn Their Keep

We are home....just in time to get a little work done in the back yard. Lani insisted on helping... AND wearing gloves just like daddy. Harley looked on and tried to get in on the action. One more truck load of concrete and it will ALL be out of here!! We are seeing progress... 

An update before we leave....

We are leaving in a few minutes from Paul's parents and I just got off the phone with Tom. He is still in the hospital and they have decided to keep him another day. They did an echocardiogram and it came back showing some damage that they want to watch. Plus, his enzymes are still high, so they want to keep an eye on that. He was frustrated and said to the Dr., "So I don't get to go home??", in a very frustrated voice. The Dr. replied, "You had a HEART ATTACK, Tom!" I think it's good that they are being cautious. So we are heading home, but still a little uneasy about things. Heart disease runs in their family, so that's always a bit scary.
We are off....

Posting from Paul's Parents'

What a week! Seems as though everytime I turn around it's something new and bad! So many thoughts racing through my head. The phone call this morning from Paul saying his dad had a heart attack about pushed me over the edge. It's just one of those times when you feel like you are holding on by a thread. A deep breath and a prayer later and I felt as though I had my footing back. Erika's memorial was overwhelming...and for the first time in several days I felt like I allowed God back into my heart. All the questions seemed to vanish. My heart softened and although the tears flowed, they were a different kind of tear. I do not understand WHY, but I know that I need to continue to lean on my faith and not so much on the why of things.
We made a flying trip across the state not knowing what Tom's condition was. Upon our arrival we found him in good spirits, cracking jokes with the nurses in the ICU on the cardiac floor. He had 2 stents put in and will be on meds to help bring down some numbers, but seems to be MUCH better this evening.
Reporting good news with a much softer heart tonight.

Plan B

So...considering we have no money, we decided we were going to do this patio/sidewalk as cheap as possible. This means breaking apart he old concrete by hand with a sledge hammer and carrying it off our property piece by little piece. After 2 weekends of doing ONLY that, Paul freaked. If we did not rent a jack hammer, we were just going to have a pile of rubble along with a couple small concrete pads in the back yard for the rest of our lives. So 2 weekends and $40 later, all the concrete is broken up. We still need to move the broken concrete off our property, but the hard part is done. Paul did it all himself and I watched and cheered him on...and made fun of him. As the kids and I watched him in the sweltering heat, jiggling all over the place while jack hammer-ing, they said "Look at daddy's arms! Look at his belly wiggling! He looks funny!" We DO love him! 

Erika's Life

Gearing up for a big celebration of Erika's life tonight. Please keep the Maynards in your thoughts and prayers. They will be burying little Erika this morning and then preparing further for a memorial celebration tonight. It will be an incredibly rough day for them. Can't even begin to imagine what it will be like. I wish it were all just a very bad nightmare. Please be thinking of them....

An Example

An example from my previous post....
When you have a project to do and you have a four year old witha shovel and a 2 1/2 year old wearing a bike helmet and using a chisel and hammer, how do you keep a smile on your face and continue to work?!?! 

We Love our Detailed Daddy!!!

Somehow I think these photos put into pictures exactly the kind of daddy Paul is. He is patient, caring, gentle and detailed (some may call it anal...we'll stick with detailed!). He will do anything for his babies. He works his tail off all week at work and comes home and acts as though he has all the time in the world to dedicate to his children. Even when he is working on one of his many projects, you will often find Brigg, Lani, or possibly both of them, trailing behind in a matching tool belt and do rag. Something that he could have accomplished in and hour takes him 3 because he wants his children to know it's more fun when they are involved. I aspire to be like that myself. He loves them from a deep place within his heart that touches mine everytime I witness it. So this father's day I hope he knows what this means to all of us. I see Brigg becoming the kind of man Paul has taught him to be. I see Nalani looking at him adoringly and knowing without a doubt that this man loves her with his whole heart and soul. I see myself loving him more with each passing day. Happy Fathers Day Paul!!! WE LOVE YOU! 

The Fruits of Paul's Labor

Paul spent a good hour with Brigg teaching him how to pitch. Now...you may think this is an easy task, but it took much thinking on Paul's part. Paul is right-handed, Brigg is left. By the looks of the photos, I think Paul did a pretty good job! 

Just sad

In the wake of Erika's death, it seems as though nothing in my daily life is near as important. I can't seem to muster up the strength to even ACT like it is. Just kind of going through the motions the past couple of days. Life coninues to move forward, but for the moment I am just sad. Period. And this is not even a SLIGHT piece of what Rich and Traci and their families must be feeling. It's just so sad....

A Grieving Parent

It has been 12 hours since Erika left this earth to be with Jesus and here I am, still trying to figure out what I can do to somehow "make things better" for Rich and Traci. I cannot wrap my mind around WHY this happened to them. Gary Thomas said "The pain is real and ongoing, and none of us can say anything to make someone 'feel better'. In fact, it is cruel to take away a grieving parent's pain, in that the pain may be their last remaining link to a very precious love. We can hurt with them, but we can't heal them."
Hurting with you today Traci and Rich.

Manipulator

Is it possible that a 4.5 pound furball can be a master manipulator. I'm beginning to think she is the smartest one in the household! This is where we found her when it was time to "kennel up" for bed last night... 

16 years ago today...

Is that even possible? Do you know what you were doing 16 years ago today? I do. I remember it like it was yesterday. 16 years ago my grandma died. I was 13...I cannot believe she has been gone longer than I knew here alive. I think losing a grandparent is one of those defining moments in your life. I think I could describe every minute of that day. That was the first day I spoke to God. That was the first day I felt completely out of control. That was the first day I heard God speak to me.
I remember so many things about my grandma. I remember her laugh. I remember her blue high heeled reptile skin shoes. Every time I hear my mom say "dagnabit!" I think of her. Cathy can do or say about anything and I can see or hear grandma. Everytime I hear Amazing Grace I cry. Everytime I get frustrated at Nalani Alma and say her full name, my grandma's face pops in my head. I still can't talk about that day without welling up.
In thirteen years my grandma made such an impact on me that I didn't think I would ever get over her death and I haven't. I wish my kids had gotten to meet her and know her like I did. I wish I could talk to her today and hear what she has to say. I wish I could eat her homemade doughnuts. I wish we could all sit around the round table in the kitchen in the house on the hill and talk and laugh until the wee hours of the morning.
My grandma created "family" like many never get to see. I am so thankful to her and my grandpa for teaching my the importance of family. I will never forget that day and I think that says a lot about the kind of person she was. I miss her.

Foreshadowing?

It was a good weekend. We had very good luck with Harley Rose. Not a single accident and she let us sleep throught hte night. Today is going to be touch adjustment for her. We spend most of the weekend outside, running and playing. Today she will be in the bathroom all day. So this morning she had her first accident...pooped on our bedroom floor. Hoping this is not foreshadowing for the week to come....

My Last 10 Google Searches...

After mocking Jody for her google searches, she has tagged me "it". So here are mine....
1. Potty traing a puppy (obviously, from the previous posts, this would be logical)
2. Shih-tzu/Maltese mix puppies (again, obviously you know why I would search for this)
3. 1992 Honda Accord, 4 door muffler (Jody picked me up today and she woke up every child in the neighborhood with her car! :)
4. Hu Hot franchise (I love it and I'm always keeping my options open)
5. Morning Glory Syndrome (I spend too much time following care pages)
6. Push Tonka Dump Truck (no luck...wanted to get this for Bode's birthday, but I can't find one anywhere.)
7. Starting your own bookstore (again, just keeping my options open)
8. Local Municipal Golf Course (Paul wanted to get he and Brigg a membership....not going to happen)
9. Hepatoblastoma (more care page research)
10. Be Still Plaque (I saw this plaque a long time ago and was searching online for a cheaper one)
There you have it. I don't know what this says about me, but you can make your own assumptions. Anyone else want to share??

More of our new Harley....

 

Our New Harley

We would like to introduce the newest addition to our family....Harley Rose! Yep, we did it! We bought a new puppy and picked it up today. We surprised the kids with it and they were EXCITED. She is SO CUTE! She's already 4 months old and seems to be the perfect age for the kids. They've already been outside running around with her in the rain. It's going to be a quite a weekend around here.... 

Just one of those days

I've just had one of those days. Nothing in particular happened, I just don't feel like I'm in a good spot. I know my heart is not. I've been a bad mom...quick to lose my cool and I'm feeling so guilty about that now as the kids are sleeping soundly in their beds. I'm almost tempted to just go crawl in there with one of them and remind them how much I LOVE them with everything in my body! I'm sure this night will not be the one night in their lives that stands out the most to them, but I just don't feel good about it. Lani went without a nap today and we just played off eachother while Brigg hurt himself and probably just misses his mommy. Who wouldn't? I'm gone the majority of their lives. Ugh. I really need an attitude adjustment. Tomorrow will be better....

Lani on the Drums!

Unfortunately, I think Nalani knows what she'll be asking for for her birthday! In this photo she was saying "Thank you! Thank you!" as she put her hand on her heart and nodded her head, like she was so humbled by the applause!