Random Thoughts from a Crazy Woman!

New Year, New Blog

2007-01-09T14:36:00.000-06:00

So apparently everybody's doing it! Guess I am going to follow suit. This will be my last post on my 2006 blog. From today forward, you can check out my new blog...be patient though, I am still trying to work out lots of glitches and cannot post pics yet. But I wanted to make a clean break after the posts from Florida. So here ya go....

http://cassica.wordpress.com

Check it out!!

They're just pretty cute...

2007-01-09T08:17:00.000-06:00

Lani didn't want to wait in line for 45 minutes to get pictures with the princesses...she was happy enough to get this photo at the airport before we flew out yesterday....
Even after 11 days of vacationing, they still had one last posed photo together, looking like they still love eachother!

More pics....

2007-01-09T08:14:00.000-06:00

Lani LOVED the roller coaster....We prepared for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride by making scary faces at eachother...
The actaul ride was pretty amazing...
This was the best pic I could get of the castle at night. It really was magical. I cried when I saw Lani's face as she watched the princesses dancing on the castle steps with fireworks above them. I'll never forget it...

Storytime with Belle

2007-01-09T08:09:00.000-06:00

So went to Storytime with Belle. About 2 minutes into it Belle pointed to Brigg and asked him to come up on stage and play her father. We were surprised when Brigg hopped up and walked right onto stage. We were not surprised when he got up there and immediately FROZE. I mean really froze. She asked him a question and he couldn't even speak. I don't think he realized how many people were there until he was on stage in front of them.Still frozen...
Yep, still frozen...

Finally, when it was all over, we got in line to meet Belle personally (and not in front of a zillion people) and we actually got a smile out of Brigg....

Magic Kingdom

2007-01-09T08:08:00.000-06:00

Home

2007-01-08T19:05:00.000-06:00

We're alive.
We're home.
We're tired.
More tomorrow....

My MAGICAL birthday....

2007-01-08T07:51:00.000-06:00

I'm posting from a hotel in Orlando. I have 3 minutes left on my timer. While the rest of the gigantic group is home in the cold, we are still here. Yesterday was my true birthday and we spent it with the kids at Magic Kingdom. It was so great. They had a ball and it made a 30 year OLD women feel like she was 10 again. We went on lots of rides, ate lots of food and bought lots of little trinkets from the Pirates of the Carribean store. The kids experienced their first roller coaster and Brigg sat with me. We could hear Lani squeeling the whole time behind us with her hands in the air. She loved it. Not surprisingly, Brigg said as we were getting off, "I did NOT like that AT ALL." Too funny. My kids seem to break all the gender generalizations! Time is up. Will post more when we get home tonight. I'm ready to be home.

Miss You, Landers!!

2007-01-06T09:46:00.000-06:00

My "Birthday" Party

2007-01-06T07:52:00.000-06:00

Well, apparently last night was supposed to be my actual birthday party, but I think this whole week has been my birthweek party! We got Andy and Jody off to the airport and then hit Sharky's. There is a very fun band that plays and allows the audience to play some fun instruments. They are great for the kids, too. It was so fun and I'm pretty sure it was the best night of all the kids' lives!!

This is it for tonight....

2007-01-03T22:36:00.000-06:00

Finally, a photo with all Nana and Papa S's grandkids in it! Jody is getting her baby fix without being responsible for any of her own. I think she kind of likes this as a short break!
It's been a long day at the beach. The kids are snuggled in for the night....
These boys couldn't be more adorable!
It is late. I am tired. Everyone in the house is sound asleep after the most gigantic meal ever served at Luna's tonight. It was a good day. I need to rest and prepare for another big one tomorrow. More later.

Macy and Lani

2007-01-03T22:30:00.000-06:00

These girls are enjoying eachother SO MUCH on this trip!! They are so cute! I'm thinking it's a glimpse at what the future holds!

Day Six

2007-01-03T22:22:00.000-06:00

Wow, we are well over halfway through our trip. It has been so very fun!! Beaches, sun, family, friends, golf, swimming, eating and on and on. We had another beautiful day here today. I think it was about 85 and very sunny. I am posting some random pics that capture some of the fun.

Still Soaking In....

2007-01-02T20:11:00.000-06:00

I really cannot believe they found friends and family to care for their FOUR boys for FOUR days and made it down here. (Not to mention Andy's constant battle with kidney stones!) I love these people so much! Seriously.

HUGE Surprise in Florida!!!

2007-01-02T20:00:00.000-06:00

I SERIOUSLY had NO IDEA!
My family and I were sitting at our favorite restaurant on the beach today eating lunch and drinking pina coladas (I know, I know...it's rough down here!) Anyway, I was so very frustrated with Paul and had been most of the morning. He was just driving me insane. When out of the blue I started hearing a voice singing. I thought to myself, "That's weird. That voice kind of sounds like Andy." Then I hear that the voice is singing (very beautifully, I might add) "Happy Birthday dear Cassssssssiiiiieeeee." And I freaked. Really freaked. There was screaming and tears involved. Yes, Andy and Jody were outside the restaurant gate, much to my surprise. Happy Birthday to me! (Ok, I know Leah that you are going to be so very sad about this. But do not forget that it's me and you in like 2 weeks in the cities and we will have an amazing time!!) So they are here. I am happy. Here are some pics....

One last middle-of-the-night thought...

2007-01-01T00:57:00.000-06:00

I need to get out one last blog tonight. My dear friend Pam and her husband leave for a 15 day mission trip to Liberia on Jan 2nd. Please keep them, and the people of Liberia, in your prayers. As I have been lounging by the pool, I have been reading the book Uprising, by Erwin Raphael McManus (I would recommend it!!). It has been speaking to me in so many levels and Eric and Pam keep popping into my head as I am reading it. I came across this yesterday and felt the need to share:
"God will not save you from the fire, but in fact throw you into it. The promise that He will be with you and never leave or forsake you is both promise and warning. A divine journey cannot be completed without divine intervention. It will be like an odyssey without maps to guide your way. Your character will be your only compass on many long and dark nights...As we have discovered on this journey, courage is not the absence of fear; it is the absence of self. Courage is the highest expression of humility. Courage moves us to risk ourselves for the sake of others or a higher cause. Courage allows us to live free from self-perservation and to live generously creative lives."

So proud of the Bullers and the courage they are showing as they journey to Africa...hopefully paving the way for so many others. Much love to you and the whole team! Thank you for stepping out in faith.

Happy New Year from Florida!!

2007-01-01T00:22:00.000-06:00

Happy new year to all!! We had quite the celebration down here...karaoke and all. It was a rule that every single one of us got up and sang at least one song. (we were allowed to drag a friend up with us!) We did it! Donna even sang...AND Paul!
It's been a great year and I am so looking forward to 2007. It has been amazing to feel the changes going on in my heart over the last year. There has been a definite shift in the past few months in what I am feeling passionate about. So anxious to see what comes of it in the year ahead!! For now, just feeling so very thankful for all of my loved ones...family and friends-old and new!! Happy new year! Here's a glimpse of our night....

Random Pics Around the House

2007-01-01T00:16:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure we could be having any more fun!

A little glimpse at MY heaven!!

2006-12-31T23:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, I have decided that this is definitely what my heaven looks like!! I'm serious. My heaven will include 85 degree weather, sand, salt water, a light breeze and TONS and TONS of sunshine. It was one of those days were you just think to yourself over and over again "There is no way there could be another day better than this!" It was great! I love Florida. (And I'm pretty sure that this is what Nana B's heaven will look like as well!!)

Good Mom vs. Bad Mom

2006-12-29T23:02:00.000-06:00

We are in Florida...at mom and dad's...safe and sound. It is midnight. We arrived in the driveway at 11:15 Florida time. Good mom in my put Lani directly to bed. She is now sound asleep ready for a full day tomorrow. Bad mom in my put Brigg directly into his swimming trunks and in the hot tub. He is now in pj's, eating supper...did I mention it is midnight?!?! Brigg might beg to differ on the bad mom comment.
i love florida.
9 days to go....

Loading up and heading out!!!!

2006-12-29T08:37:00.000-06:00

Well, ready or not, we are heading out to Florida. I guess at this point I just figure "I have my swimming suit and toothbrush packed, so we're good to go!" Really, I know this is going to be a great trip. We don't have to worry about packing a zillion things for the "babies" anymore. No bottles, monitors, pack and plays, strollers, breast pumps, diapers, or bouncy seats! The kids are old enough to reason with on the plane and also play around the pool without us within 2 feet of them at all times. I am hoping it goes as smoothly as I predict it will. So I will try to post pics of this "perfect vacation" we are on in Florida while we are down there. It may be a battle getting to the one computer though...there will be 11 adults and 5 children in one house with a single computer. :) It's going to be a MADHOUSE!!
Upon my return it will be a new year and I will officially be in my 30's!! I read these last night...

"Everything I know I learned after I was thirty." - Georges Clemenceau

"Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." - Robert Frost

"After 30, a body has a mind of its own." - Bette Midler

Looks like the year ahead will be full of ups and downs!! :)

Eggs for breakfast

2006-12-27T23:49:00.000-06:00

Those were some SERIOUSLY good eggs...

Brigg

2006-12-27T23:47:00.000-06:00

The western christmas theme was a hit with Brigg!!

Lani

2006-12-27T23:41:00.000-06:00

Can't decide whether she makes a better cowgirl or princess...

Tate

2006-12-27T23:36:00.000-06:00

Oh how we have fallen in love with our little Tater Tot!! :)

Bode

2006-12-27T23:34:00.000-06:00

Yes, he really is this cute in real life...

One photo...that's all we wanted.

2006-12-27T23:25:00.000-06:00

Really, all we needed was one good picture of all four of the grandkids. We got a cute one of Brigg, Lani and Bode...A cute one of Brigg, Lani and Tate...

Another cute one of Brigg, Lani and Tate... This is the only one of all four that even had all the bodies in it...
I seriously laugh out loud every time I look at this picture! We'll try again in Florida.

Cowkid Christmas!

2006-12-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

Somehow our Christmas for the kids turned into a western theme. Brigg and Lani could not have been happier about it.... Bode loved his hat...
Lani loved her gun!
And you can't really see in this photo, but Harley got a pink fleece vest. Seriously. My mom outdid herself here!!

Our baby boy...

2006-12-27T23:01:00.000-06:00

Maybe he's not such a baby anymore!!He got a desk for Christmas...complete with sharp scissors, very runny glue and a sketch book. He has tape anda bulletin board and folders. He loves it! But the big news is that tonight Brigg is at his first "sleep-over"! He's definitely not a baby anymore. He didn't even have to think twice about it when I asked if he was sure he wanted to stay. He freaked out, throwing his fist in the air and screaming "YES!!! I get to stay the night!!!" It was so cute. I just hope he doesn't wet the bed...

Out of Touch....

2006-12-26T15:19:00.000-06:00

No computer until Wednesday. I'm at my mom's house, catching up between unpacking and repacking for our Florida trip. Feeling overwhelmed and somewhat stressed for who knows what reason. We had a great holiday and I am anxious to download my pics!! I'll be up and running tomorrow sometime and hope to get a free moment to update! Until then....

Today

2006-12-22T20:34:00.000-06:00

Today I tried to "reclaim my family" as Jody put it. It went pretty well. This morning was fully dedicated to my babies. We played 4 games of Princess Memory, 4 games of Tonka Memory, drank hot chocolate, ate cinnamon rolls and I even got in EIGHT LOADS of laundry today!! When Paul got home he made popcorn in the whirley pop and the kids had Root Beer from the bottle. We watched Rudolph and Mary Poppins, Brigg practiced some form of martial arts and we read Chapter 2 of "Mary's First Christmas". At one point in the day Brigg said, "Mom, this is the best day ever!" It was pretty close. The kids are sleeping peacefully and I am off to Wal-Mart to get few last minute things before we head out for our Christmas gathering tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be handing off my computer for some updates, so don't be expecting anything from me for several days. Wishing you all a very merry Christmas....

Pam's Cinnamon Rolls

2006-12-22T20:32:00.000-06:00

We ate Pam's homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning. Brigg said, and I quote, "MOM! These cinnamon rolls are not good....they are AWESOME!" He's right. They are!

The Movie

2006-12-22T01:23:00.000-06:00

Went to see the late show tonight in Davenport. Blood Diamond...everyone should see it. But I would suggest NOT going to a late show out of town when there is a "Dense Fog Advisory". Apparently when they put one of those out, they mean it....

Did I mention 1 Runt?

2006-12-21T20:15:00.000-06:00

And one mommy who ALMOST gave into the temptation to bring her home and nurse her to health....

Way too many living things in one room....

2006-12-21T20:12:00.000-06:00

10 Golden Retriever Puppies
10 Children
6 Adults
1 Small room

Tons of fun!

Another Funny, Simply Romantic Tip...

2006-12-21T09:22:00.000-06:00

"Purchase a piece of clothing for yourself that you know he will especially like. Pick a special time and place to wear it!"

Ok, a woman must have written this one. And I'm sure it wouldn't matter what piece of clothing I picked, Paul would never find this act romantic!

Diet

2006-12-20T20:32:00.000-06:00

Ok, Paul and I have been on a diet. We started about 6 1/2 weeks ago. I had a goal to lose before Florida and I have 3 pounds to go. So I was feeling pretty good about my progress.
Tonight Brigg says to me, "Mommy, you look like you could almost be pregnant."
I'm going to McDonalds.
Done deal.

It was a success!!!

2006-12-20T13:30:00.000-06:00

3 hours
several dozen oreo truffles
several dozen pumpkin chocolate chip cookies
2 dozen sugar cookies
2 very dirty, but happy children
1 content mommy
Now Christmas can arrive....

Cookies

2006-12-20T13:28:00.000-06:00

We tried again...

Unbelievable...

2006-12-20T09:38:00.000-06:00

The kids and I went over to Greg and Lyn's last night for a while. All the grandkids were over there (except Jaeden) and Brigg and Lani were content to play and play. I went up to visit Lyn and it was unreal. She recognized me and called me by name. She was making jokes and really laughing. I could not believe it. Greg said all she has had in 3-4 weeks is a few bites of jello here and there and some water when she asks for it. I do not know how this woman is hanging on. She made several funny comments, but at one point cried a little and said, "I just wish we didn't have to pray about anything. I'm tired." She was in and out of making sense and saying random things that sounded a bit crazy, but it was nice to be able to talk back and forth with her a little bit. I'm thinking this is a great gift right at Christmas time. Here are some pics of the kids....

A boy of many trades....

2006-12-20T09:28:00.000-06:00

He can play the hand bells....He can sing like a bird...
and he can act as well...(he was the dad in the play. he had three lines....they were as follows: "No.", "No.", "No.", and "Yes." He was a hit!)
And he can pose for the camera....
What more could a mom ask for??
His program was so cute and very entertaining. I have never seen more cameras and video cameras in my life!!

Better

2006-12-19T07:16:00.000-06:00

Feeling like I'm back to myself this morning! I got a good night's sleep, was up early and am totally ready for the day...just waiting for the kids to get up. Today is Brigg's Christmas program at preschool and he has a big part in the play. I'm so excited to attend!! :) I'm all done with my Christmas shopping and almost done with wrapping. We are just a few days away from our fun-filled Christmas weekend! I have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to in the next couple of months! So, to keep up with my stolen Thanksgiving thoughts....here are some stolen Christmas thoughts!

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. ~Calvin Coolidge

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home! ~Charles Dickens

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

The joy of brightening other lives, bearing eachothers' burdens, easing other's loads and supplantingempty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes forus the magic of Christmas. ~W.C. Jones

Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart,a wide open heart that thinks of others first.The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history,because it has meant the pouring into a sick world of the healing medicine of lovewhich has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years...Underneath all the bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart. ~George Mathhew Adams

This is Christmas: not the tinsel, not the giving and receiving, not even the carols. But the humble heart that receives anew the wondrous gift -- the Christ. ~Frank McKibben

Christmas… that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance -- a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved. ~Augusta E. Rundel

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. ~Eric Sevareid

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~Peg Bracken

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

Busy

2006-12-18T17:11:00.000-06:00

I really don't have much to blog. Christmas parties, food, christmas concerts, baking (unsuccessfully, but still baking nonetheless), shopping, checking things off my list, on and on. Really just trying to make it to Christmas...then Florida...then New Years...then my 30th birthday...then Guatemala....it my never slow down. Still trying to sneak in some precious moments with my babies...

I tried.

2006-12-16T11:49:00.000-06:00

Seems like I've been kind of down in the dumps lately and have completely neglected all the fun things I usually do with the kids at Christmas time. So last night I decided we would make cookies. I tried out a new Chocolate Krinkle recipe. You mix the cookies and they set overnight and you bake them the next day...TWICE the fun!! So we mixed them all up last nigh and the kids did the whole "lick the beaters" thing. They were happy. This morning we rolled them up and dropped them in powdered sugar and placed them on the pan. The kids LOVED it! Threw them in the oven and they flattened into the flattest cookies ever baked in the history of christmas cookie baking! Oh well. I salvaged a couple. Next time we're sticking with chocolate chip....

We simply wanted to document Mom's fame...

2006-12-14T22:38:00.000-06:00

But of course, whenever Lani is involved, there is a fiasco. The sign said "Happy Birthday Candi Stewart". I told the kids to pose by it....note that Brigg is following instructions, but Lani decided to pop off the letter "C". So the sign now reads "Happy Birthday Andi Stewart".In the process of trying to fix it, Lani knocks over the whole easel. (Look at her watching Dad try to catch it and acting like she has no idea what just happened!)
After everyone helped get it all set up again (minus the photographer)...
We got a perfect picture. Well worth the effort!! :)

Happy Happy Birthday Nana!!

2006-12-14T22:32:00.000-06:00

I think mom was pretty happy. We got all dressed up and went out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. I'm talking serious preparations on Nalani's part: velvet skirt, knee high boots, COMBED hair!, a necklace and her very fancy "fur" coat that Gale got her. She and mom were both glowing. The rest of us humored her, but really Lani's outfit stole the show. It was a fun night topped off by watching Polar Express with the kids. Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you!!

Ok, I AM aware that I am a bit biased!

2006-12-14T17:21:00.000-06:00

But when they are not rolling around on the floor, wrestling and fighting and beating the crap out of eachother, they may be two of the cutest little people on the planet! Trust me, the moments are rare....

Next time I'm not answering....

2006-12-14T07:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I should have assumed it would be after the way it started out. I was all snuggled in my comfy, warm bed with the dog curled up beside me when my phone rang. I groggily answered it and it was Paul. He said, "I had a brain fart this morning. I was going to get gas, but I forgot." I replied, "No. Did you run out?" He said, "Yep, I'm on the side of the road. Can you bring me some?" Ugh. The kids were sound asleep, so I called mom to see if she could come watch them while I went to get gas and bring it to Paul. She got over here in about 5 minutes flat. As I was walking out the door, I decided to bring the dog.
So I ran out the to garage and grabbed the only empty gas can we had, ran to the gas station, got on the road and started driving. Paul said he was just outside of town, not very far at all. So I am driving and driving and still no Paul. So I call him. He says, "I really don't know where I am, I just thought I wasn't too far." 15 minutes later I pulled up to him. I jump out of the car and very proudly grab the gas can. He looked at my blankly and said, "Where's the nozzle?" WHAT?!? What nozzle? Ok, so apprently you cannot pour gas into a gas tank without a nozzle. So he is instantly frustrated with me. He is seriously looking around on the ground, picking up sticks and trash, looking for anything that might work to get the gas from the can to the tank. I tell him to get in the car with me and we can drive to the gas station and get something. So he reluctantly gets in the car. He asks if maybe I have a pop bottle the we could use as a funnel. As I turn around to look and see, what do I see other than DOG POOP! Harley had pooped all over my car. AAHHHHH! Gross.
So I pull out and start driving. Paul asks, "Where are you going?" I reply, "Caseys! Where do you THINK I am going?" (we are getting frustrated with eachother at this point). He says, "Shouldn't you go back towards home? Don't you think it would be closer?" He really still thinks that he is like 3 miles outside of town instead of 15! "No Paul, we are much much closer to Blue Grass!" So he kind of shakes his head and says in a very annoyed voice, "I cannot BELIEVE you didn't bring the nozzle!"
"I cannot BELIEVE you RAN OUT OF GAS!" Ok, so we're even. We get the nozzle, get back to the car and get him gassed up and he drives away only to get to work very late and get tons of crap from his co-workers, I'm sure!
That is how my day started off and it really went downhill from there. Next time I'm not answering...

To Pray is to Become

2006-12-13T10:42:00.000-06:00

"Often I have said to people, 'I will pray for you,' but how often did I really enter into the full reality of what that means? When I really bring my friends and the many I pray for into my innermost being and feel their pains, their struggles, their cries in my own soul, then I leave myself, so to speak, and become them, then I have compassion." (Henri Nouwen)

The "Adults"

2006-12-10T21:51:00.000-06:00

We may have had more fun than the kids...

The Park

2006-12-10T21:46:00.000-06:00

Erin and Luke's new house is about a block from an elementary school. We went on a walk and the kids sniffed out the park. It was a perfect day!!!

Brigg's Day...

2006-12-10T21:41:00.000-06:00

Cars... Guns...
Motorcycles...
Video games....
What did I do before my little boy came into my life??

Nalani's Day

2006-12-10T21:16:00.000-06:00

She got her first tea set from great grandma Carstens....And a vanity from Nana and Papa B...
A purse full of girly things from Erin...
And magnetic princess paper dolls from Nana and Papa B...
What did we do before our little girl!?!?

Lani wanted to "Get Ready", too!

2006-12-10T08:13:00.000-06:00

Chritmas Party

2006-12-10T01:57:00.000-06:00

We hit the Geneva Christmas Party with mom and dad last night. It was very fun! It was the one day this year that I took more than 2 minutes to decide what I was going to wear and more than 15 minutes to get ready for the night. Jennie...you would have been so proud!! :)

More on Lyn

2006-12-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

Spent the evening with Lyn last night while Greg got out for a bit. I was over there from 8:00-1:00. Not much new to say. She is now on liquid morphine as she can no longer swallow the pills. She gets sips of water here and there, but that's about it. It is the most difficult thing in the world to watch. To know this woman has so much life left in her, so much love left to give, so much energy deep down inside and she is totally bedridden...it just makes me sick. She has moments of clarity, but the are very brief. She said about 4 or 5 things last night that made a little sense. The one sticking with me most all night and this morning is "I just want to go home. Take me home." Praying so hard for Lyn today and always. Praying that she gets to go home and finally be in the arms of Jesus...perfect body, free is this horrible disease. Keep her in your prayers as well.

Because of my chat with Leah...

2006-12-07T09:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Leah and I were talking on the phone. She is just finishing up reading The Purpose Driven Life, so we were talking about that and also Lyn being so close to death and how people let us down and on and on and on. This all led us into a discussion on faith. So today I was reading and came across something written by Fredrick Buechner and thought Leah would like it. It's long, so hold on....
"Faith is better undersood as a verb than as a noun, as a process than as a possession. It is on-again-off-again rather than once-and-for-all. Faith is not being sure where you're going, but going anyway. A journey without maps. Paul Tillich said that doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
I have faith that my friend is my friend. It is possible that all his motives are ulterior. It is possible that what he is secretly drawn to is not me, but my wife or my money. But there's something about the way I feel when he's around, about the way he looks me in the eye, about the way we can talk to eachother without pretense and be silent together without embarrassment, that makes me willing to put my life in his hands, as I do each time I call him friend.
I can't prove the friendship of my friend. When I experience it, I don't need to prove it. When I don't experience it, no proof will do. If I tried to put his friendship to the test somehow, the test itself would queer the friendship I was testing. So it is with the Goodness of God.
The five so-called proofs for the existence of God will never prove to unfaith that God exists. They are merely five ways to describing the existence of the God you have faith in already.
Almost nothing that makes any real difference can be proved. I can porve the law of gravity by dropping a shoe out the window. I can prove the world is round if I'm clever at that sort of thing-that the radio works, that light travels faster than sound. I cannot prove that life is better than death or love is better than hate. I cannot prove the greatness of the great or the beauty of the beautiful. I cannot even prove my own free will; maybe my most heroic act, my truest love, my deepest thought are all just subtler versions of what happens when the doctor taps my knee with the little rubber hammer and my foot jumps.
Faith can't prove a damned thing. Or a blessed thing either.....
Faith is 'the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen,' says the Letter to the Hebrews (11:1)."

So I was telling Leah that just because we say we have faith, doesn't mean we don't have doubts and questions. If we walk around with a smile on our face and say everything is just fine because we have faith and we are Christians, we are fooling ourselves. We cannot push those questions and doubts deep down and act as though we are so godly. If we acknowledge that we do not have it all figured out and we never will here on this earth, we can search and seek and somehow draw nearer to God instead of suppressing our questions and feeling so disconnected from Him. It's a journey and I loved it when Buechner said, "Faith is not being sure where you're going, but going anyway." So there ya go Leah, one more little tidbit for you think about!! I love you!!

5 Hours of Bliss

2006-12-06T07:32:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying that I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I love every single thing about it. There is nothing else I would rather be doing at this point in my life. With that being said, I will add that there are a couple things I miss after my little glimpse at a full time working mom. While working full time I had about 2 hours each day of pure and simple peace. 15 minutes on the say to work, 1 hour lunch break, a couple short breaks and 15 minutes on the way home. I could think, talk on the phone in peace, listen to music, get my thoughts organized and have not a single intrerruption. It was great. Last night I was able to go finish my christmas shopping ALL BY MYSELF. I left at 5:30. Talked on the phone on the way up without a single interruption, listening so any music I wanted and turned it WAY UP and belted out the words without hearing "Mommy, turn it down!" I strolled through the mall, hit Barnes and Noble, Starbucks for a yummy seasonal flavored coffee, Dillards and several other stores where something caught my eye. I browsed, I wandered, I laughed, I cried...ok, kidding. I really didn't laugh and cry, but it sounded good! :) I hit TJ Maxx and Target and had no time frame whatsoever. I totally finished my Christmas shopping and got a couple things on clearance for myself and even tried on a couple christmas party outfits that were cute and way too expensive, but I just tried them on because I could. I got home at 10:30 and walked into a very quiet house were everyone was peacefully sleeping and I carried my several bags up to my closet. The only way it could have been more perfect was if I would not have had to spend a cent.
I feel refreshed this morning. After a couple weeks of dealing with some pretty heavy stuff with Lyn next door and then Paul's crazy eye surgery few days, this was a perfect break! No pictures, just peaceful memories! :)

The kids by the tree...

2006-12-04T21:22:00.000-06:00

They are so happy...

He's turned the corner!! :)

2006-12-04T21:15:00.000-06:00

Paul finally woke up around 2:00 or so. He felt SO MUCH better!! He went with me to pick up Brigg and he was able to go watch Lani at dance! We came home and go the decorations out to start decorating the tree. Here are a few pics from decorating. (ps-in my last post I said something about him being in pain for the past 2 hours. I MEANT the past 24 hours. oops! )

Paul's Eyes....

2006-12-04T11:06:00.000-06:00

Somewhere in the last 24 hours, Paul's eyes went haywire. It was a very rough night and we were scheduled to be in CR at 8:00 am for his follow-up. Apparently the layer of the eye that they scrape off to do the surgery (the epithelium) got folded under in his right eye, causing serious pain over the past 2 hours or so. They think they have the problem taken care of and it does not effect the final result of the surgery. Paul still is in a lot of pain and can't see much. Hoping for drastic improvement today. The doctor said he should be feeling better in 24-48 hours. Never a dull moment around here! I took this photo about 5 minutes ago....he has been in this position since we returned from CR.

The hunt for a perfect tree....

2006-12-03T20:21:00.000-06:00

turned into a hunt for just ANY tree. We went this morning and it was FREEZING. We couldn't pick one out fast enough. I snapped a couple pics...Brigg found what he felt was the "perfect" tree, but we did not agree. (a little BIG)
When we got home the kids literally "trimmed" the tree with their scissors.

It's not perfect or beautiful, but it's the only one we could all agree on. We'll post pics of it decorated tomorrow.

Lyn

2006-12-02T21:00:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to give a quick update on Lyn. I was over this afternoon and it's awful. She is not waking up, not eating, and only getting about 1-2 bottles of water a day if she's lucky. Everything is slowly shutting down and Greg is emotionally and physically drained. The whole family could use all the prayers they can get these last days. Lyn is amazing and I do not know how she has held on this long. I'm heading over there right now to sit with her. I think she can hear me and I know Greg appreciates breaks here and there. Please pray for them.

Breakfast with Santa

2006-12-02T13:28:00.000-06:00

4 tickets
8 dollars
2 doughnut holes each
1/4 of a banana each
1 orange slice each
1 glass of juice each
2 candy canes
1 decorated ornament
1 trip to the bathroom
10 trips to the drinking fountain
1 missing father (in bed healing from eye surgery)
1 HOUR of waiting in line
5 photos
2 children bouncing off the walls
1 VERY antsy mother (encouraging the kids, unsuccessfully, to wait for a trip to the mall to see Santa)
and 1 visit with Santa
I think we'll skip it next year...but for today, the kids are happy! :)

My Nephew

2006-11-30T22:22:00.000-06:00

Tate, on the other hand, was not a bit scarred by the surgery. He had bigger things to worry about...like the possiblity of his pacifier falling out!!

Our day in the waiting room...

2006-11-30T22:01:00.000-06:00

I couldn't find a babysitter for the kids, so we all loaded up and made Paul's sugery a family event. Lots of snacks, one gameboy, one "game girl", a bucket of cars, a bucket of soldiers, a back pack and even my sister and Tate piled into the waiting room. I'm sure they loved us!! We were there for a full 4 HOURS. But we did get to watch Paul's surgery on the TV in the waiting room. I think Brigg is scarred for life...

Wish #1 Granted

2006-11-30T21:25:00.000-06:00

Paul and I met in 1995. Over the past 11 years, there have been 3 material things that Paul has always wanted. I can honestly say that if Paul were given three wishes, they would have been exactly the same over the past 11 years.
#1 Laser eye surgery
#2 A Harley
#3 Win the lottery
Well, I can tell you that we do not buy lottery tickets, so wish #3 is out. AND our budget does not allow for a Harley, so wish #2 is on an indefinite hold. But wish #1 was granted today. And I am hoping that the glasses in this photo will be the last glasses Paul will ever have to wear again!! Remember, he is very drugged in the pic and he is probably going to kill me for posting it, but I just couldn't resist!! :)

Phone Call

2006-11-30T09:27:00.000-06:00

The phone rings and Brigg answers...
Brigg: "Hello"
My dad: "Hey! What's up?"
Brigg: "Who is this?"
My dad: "Larry Stewart, CRNA. Who is this?"
Brigg: "Brigg Burback, B-R-I-G-G."

Just thought that was cute and wanted to remember it.

Envy

2006-11-28T22:51:00.000-06:00

"Envy is the consuming desire to have everybody else be as unsuccessful as you are." (Buechner)

Nor am I mother of the year....

2006-11-27T18:43:00.000-06:00

forgot to take lani to dance tonight.
i need to figure out how to be a mom of children who are involoved in activities other than preschool.
lani said, "That's ok Mom, we'll go next time."
i love her.

Not babysitter of the year....

2006-11-27T12:38:00.000-06:00

Watched Max and Quincy today while Jody and Andy packed. Let the 3 older ones rollerskate all over the house for entertainment. (they each fell about 20 times)
Quincy did not roller skate, but he did fall out of his chair at lunch. (Got a bloody nose.)
Brigg wanted me to take a picture of he and Max....he said to Max, "Let's pretend we are brothers!" (So cute.)
They are all still alive, but I'm not sure Jody will send them back after seeing the dried blood on Quincy's nose and the dried PB&J all over Max's....

Just some cute cute kids!!

2006-11-26T13:51:00.000-06:00

Lots of fun

2006-11-26T13:40:00.000-06:00

We spent some time snuggling... Some time outside on a scavenger hunt...
Some time contemplating the world...
And a lot of time fighting...
It was a fun-filled 3 days! :)

Thanksgiving 2006

2006-11-26T13:14:00.000-06:00

A great family gathering over a beautiful few days! So much to be thankful for this year!!

Stolen Thanksgiving Day Thoughts....

2006-11-22T14:30:00.000-06:00

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Thanksgiving is the holiday of peace, the celebration of work and the simple life... a true folk-festival that speaks the poetry of the turn of the seasons, the beauty of seedtime and harvest, the ripe product of the year - and the deep, deep connection of all these things with God. ~Ray Stannard Baker (David Grayson)

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~Edward Sandford Martin

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? ~Erma Bombeck

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Proof of our love for the Landers...

2006-11-21T06:57:00.000-06:00

If there were ever any doubt that we love the Landers, here is proof that we really do. (At one point I was actually on the ladder, right below Paul trying to "help"...I think I was really just annoying him!)

Truly, they got possession of their new house last night and it is a perfect home for them. We are so honored that they would trust us to hang a light over the first place all their loved ones will be walking into. :)

The last few days...

2006-11-19T20:24:00.000-06:00

Watched Quincy and walked in to find he and Lani having a car-throwing contest. I think Quincy won....those roller skates really tripped up Lani.Went to visit Lisa, Tony and Macy. The kids were entertained by Spiderman and their sleeping bags...
WE were entertained by Paul's interpretive Mime...
Although Lisa and Harley found it quite boring...

Our Dancing Princess

2006-11-14T21:54:00.000-06:00

When Lani turned 3 I asked her if she wanted to take dance lessons. She said yes. When the time arrived, she decided that she did not want to do it. Brigg asked her if she was going to go and she said "NO!" He replied with "Lani, you can't be a princess if you don't know how to dance!" Sooooo, Lani decided to sign up. She loves it. I do believe we are going to have several years of dance recitals ahead of us. Oh my....

A few more pics from tonight....

2006-11-13T22:31:00.000-06:00

Go Hawks!!!

2006-11-13T22:21:00.000-06:00

It was a great family night around here! Paul came into 4 tickets to the Hawkeye basketball game tonight and Brigg has been counting down the days since last week. Paul got home a decent time from work and we headed out for Iowa City. The kids were in full Hawkeye gear with Lani in her cheerleader outfit and Brigg in his basketball uniform (Gale, can you believe he can still wear this?!?! You got it for him 3 YEARS ago!!) We had pizza and then hit the game. It was a small crowd and nobody was really around us. The kids cheered and cheered. Brigg got a small basketball that the cheerleaders threw into the crowd and both kids got ice cream cones bigger than their heads! They even got to sit on Herky's lap!! We left early, but it was a great night all around. Both were sound asleep in the car on the way home and didn't stir as we transferred them to bed. I hope these are memories that they will treasure as much as we do someday. Heading to bed smiling tonight....

Sweet Cheerleader VS Cheerleader on Steroids...

2006-11-13T22:15:00.000-06:00

Here is Nalani as we were preparing to leave for the Hawkeye basketball game...
And apparently she did steriods while in the restroom at dinner...

She's too funny...

Guatemala, here we come...

2006-11-13T14:04:00.000-06:00

For those of you who do not know, Paul and I will get going to Guatemala in February on a short term (9 day) mission through our church. We have now attended 2 trainings to prepare us for this trip. After last night's meeting, one of the other team members sent me some photos from last year. These are a few of them. If you are reading this, there is a good chance you will be getting a letter from us within the next week giving more details, and if you don't it means we don't have your address! :)
We have been thinking about this trip since we started attending Calvary Church 2 years ago. Several of our friends have gone and their stories of how it changed their lives really inspired us. Even though we haven't even been there yet, we can feel our hearts changing in a way we did not expect. Suddenly my concerns with what fabric to cover my cornice boxes with and the new pair of jeans I NEED and how I am going to get my 2 story house cleaned, are shrinking more and more by the minute. These people have no material things, yet they are a happy, proud people. I am finally beginning to see what my purpose may be. And it may not be anything close to what I expected. A few weeks ago, my good friend Jody's dad posted something that totally captivated me. He was discussing how he has always viewed God in a certain way and how recently his view is changing. He said:

"Well, He’s (God's) come out of the closet to which I’ve relegated Him and now facing me has begun to crush my paradigms. As He looks at me, I see that God has two eyes. One eye is bright, welcoming and enjoying His Christ-brought justification of me. It’s the eye of the groom toward his bride on the wedding day. The other eye however has tears in it, not of disappointment in me, but of compassion toward a fallen world where evil reigns. In this eye, the tears are issuing the following challenge to me: “Won’t you help me make Jesus King where evil, death, sickness, torture, poverty, illiteracy, slavery, oppression, emptiness, corruption (need I go on?) now reigns?”

So we are going to Guatemala. Who knows what will happen with our hearts, but so far, we are finding empty places in there that we didn't even know existed and are starting to feel like they are filling up.

Getting Ready....

2006-11-13T13:59:00.000-06:00

Every morning I try to get completely ready for the day before Lani makes her way out of bed. If I don't, she feels that she needs to "get herself ready" as well. So today, while I was blow drying my hair, Lani got into my make-up drawer. It kind of looks like I beat her, but if you click on the photo and make it bigger, you will see the brown spots sparkling.....

Thank You Mr. Daren Fick

2006-11-10T14:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, the post goes out to Paul's co-worker...Daren Fick--A man of honor and integrity who selflessly served in the United States Marine Corp to protect and defend our country. Not only are we thankful for you, but on this important day, for the US Marine Corp....celebrating their birthday. (Guess I didn't know Corps HAD birthdays!) Sorry it took me so long to post this Daren. Now stop STALKING me!

Is it even possible??

2006-11-10T11:24:00.000-06:00

Am I insane to think we could get a good photo of 3 children ages 1, 3, and 5?

Pride

2006-11-09T11:36:00.000-06:00

2 Quotes by CS Lewis on Pride....

"A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you're looking down, you can't see something that's above you."

"Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man."

Ouch! Pride can so easily be justified, so therefore, seems to be very accepted in our world. Needing to work on letting go of the pride and becoming the humble human I was intended to be.

Tragedy at the Burbacks

2006-11-08T09:40:00.000-06:00

It's been a very rough day for Nalani. Not only did she wake up puking, she walked in the room only to find this.... Harley had gotten to her doll. This is her ORIGINAL "Dolly". Luckily we have 2 more back-ups. Poor Lani!

The Flu

2006-11-08T08:17:00.000-06:00

Woke up to Lani puking.
It's supposed to be in the mid 70's today.
I'm so bummed...

Family

2006-11-07T22:11:00.000-06:00

"Family is the first social unit for developing the qualities of the heart. A true family grows and moves through life together, inseparable in the heart. Whether a biological family or an extended family of people attracted to each other based on heart resonance and mutual support, the word "family" implies warmth, a place where the core feelings of the heart are nurtured. Family values represent the core values and guidelines that parents and family members hold in high regard for the well-being of the family. Sincere family feelings are core heart feelings. They are the basis for true family values. While we have differences, we remain "family" by virtue of our heart connection. Family provides necessary security and support, and acts as a buffer against external problems. A family made up of secure people generates a magnetic power that can get things done. They are the hope for real security in a stressful world."
(Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution)

Fathers and Daughters

2006-11-06T15:40:00.000-06:00

Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express.
~Joseph Addison

He just looks at her in a way that he's never looked at any other girl before...

Photos from our day of raking leaves....

2006-11-05T22:05:00.000-06:00

Meet Tate

2006-11-05T21:28:00.000-06:00

The meet Tate shower was a great success. I think everyone thought he was as perfect as we do! And he was an angel all weekend...

Grace

2006-11-05T01:12:00.000-06:00

"Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff." (Bono)

I've been reading Grace-Based Parenting. I am realizing I am in desperate need of some grace as well....

Since Sunday

2006-11-05T00:16:00.000-06:00

So it has been a crazy week. After a great weekend with Paul's side of the family, on Sunday I had to change gears and start preparing for the "Meet Tate" brunch that I was hosting, along with my sister-in-law, at my house on Saturday. I decided on Sunday that I wanted to take down the old, gross window treatment in my living room and dining room and have Paul build cornice boxes for the windows. So our project started. Well, it went pretty smooth and by Monday, we had those done. But it just didn't look right. I decided we needed to paint. So since Sunday we have....

Built and covered cornice boxes for our living room
Painted 2 coats of "Journal Cover" paint in the living room
Mom sewed drapes for the dining room
Harley got a MUCH needed hair cut...see photos
Brigg had a halloween program at preschool
We took the kids trick-or-treating
I prepared 2 casseroles and 4 loaves of zucchini bread for the brunch
Washed sheets for the guest that arrived on Friday
Cleaned my house as much as possible in my spare time
Went grocery shopping...TWICE
Fed and entertained 30 women in my house
Helped give Tate at bath! :)
Went to church
Got my hair cut and colored by Jennie
Had 2 mental breakdowns

It's been a crazy week and I've been struggling to post on blogger tonight. I'm going to bed. More pictures tomorrow....

Can you see me doing this?

2006-11-01T08:33:00.000-06:00

I get this daily little thing via email called Simply Romantic Tips for Her. I have decided I must just be receiving it for a good laugh. I mean seriously, this is what today's said....I HAD to share:

"Circle and star a location on a map, then tape the map to the fridge. When he asks, just smile and wink--but don't tell. On the appointed day, drive him to the location and either have a picnic or just make out."

I'm doing it.

Candy for supper...

2006-11-01T07:25:00.000-06:00

Ok, once a year I just let it go and allow the children to have Kit Kats for supper and Tootie Roll pops for dessert. (they did get some cottage cheese for a side dish :)) But is it ok for them to have the same thing for breakfast the next morning??
(Don't worry Paul, they just had one piece....)

The last of the fall photos...

2006-10-30T21:10:00.000-06:00

Pics from Wild Cat Den

2006-10-30T20:25:00.000-06:00

The Devil's Punchbowl (The name of the hike)

2006-10-30T13:50:00.000-06:00

What a perfect day in Iowa!! Days like these make me think there cannot be a better place on earth to live! We decided it would be a good idea to take a hike with the Landers. For those of you who did not read my post a few months ago about our last hike with the Landers, just know that we are not a good combo when it comes to hiking. Somehow at some point we lost all control today and we found Dawson hanging from a branch over a little creek and Brigg and Gabe trying to "Save his life!" Dawson made some comment like, "Did I come here to die?" After we made it through the first near castastrophe, we had yet another. Daws, Gabe and Brigg ventured off the main path again while Jody was trying to find a signal for her cell and within minutes they had scaled the side of what Iowans would call a mountain and were totally stuck. Jody took off to try and save the day. She is screaming from halfway up, "SERIOUSLY Cassie, this is SCARY!" They could not get down and had to continue up and then backtrack a bit to make it to about a million stairs that came back down to us. After more laughter and some tears (from laughing), we made a new rule...You MAY NOT veer off the path or you will be assigned a mother's hand to hold. Believe it or not, it worked! we even bribed them into getting a group photo. Overall, a great way to spend a beautiful fall day. Thankful for so many things today!!

Dawson hanging on for dear life... Jody just laughing from the nerves...
Those specks of color are children...AND Jody...
We tried...

Pics from the weekend

2006-10-29T15:40:00.000-06:00

It was a great weekend. The kids played and played. Always such great memories made during our time together!! I don't know how we fit all these people in our house....

College Game Day...

2006-10-29T15:30:00.000-06:00

We spent Saturday tailgating in Iowa City and cheering the Hawkeyes on to a victory!! It was a perfect day for baggo and a football game!! Great fun...